The Way We Get By
by Salamander Starfish
Summary: Quick glimpse into Blaine's head as he tries to fall asleep one night.  hint: it's all about Kurt. Kind of a companion piece to 'This Is What It Feels Like To Be Happy'. Oneshot. Complete.


**I suck! I suck! I know I suck! I should have had the third chapter of 'What I Didn't Show' out ages ago, but I wanted to make sure I really did it right. I was kind of dissatisfied with the second chapter, so I decided to make sure the third was actually good! I hadn't been able to work on it for a while, but then **_**this**_** happened, so I probably have no excuse to not have that for you. Sorry, rambling forever. **

**Anyway, this is a kind of word vomit-y companion piece to 'This Is What It Feels Like To Be Happy'. It just kind of...happened :P Same 'verse as TIWIFLTBH, and all that. Similar style. Un-beta'd, so I apologize if I messed anything up slash if it just sucks!**

**

* * *

**

Blaine Anderson had a habit of lying awake at night and thinking about, well, everything. To be fair, though, the occupant of his thoughts was usually Kurt Hummell. The thing that killed Blaine was that Kurt just couldn't see how extraordinary he was. This thought occurred to him at least once a day. How could he be that oblivious? It was so freaking _obvious_, he thought. Everything about Kurt screamed amazing…the boy somehow just couldn't see it.

Sometimes Blaine thought, okay, maybe his vision of Kurt as the personification of the word 'perfect' might be a little biased. He was practically falling in love with the boy, for Christ's sake. But then Kurt would do something else, sing another song or tell another story about Lima or even thank Blaine for the billionth time for being there for him, and all doubt would be lost. The boy was…something else. The way he had come out of the veritable hellhole that was McKinley, with his head still held high, was incredible to Blaine. Kurt had been tormented by his peers for being who he was, but he refused to be anything but himself. It was like his spirit was truly invincible. Blaine let out an amused snort when he remembered Kurt's first day walking through the halls of Dalton. Even in a uniform the boy had figured out a way to keep from being anyone but himself. In retrospect Blaine considered his thought process to be a little warped, but as soon as he saw Kurt's ridiculous zebra brooch, he knew the new kid would do just fine. He wasn't beaten, he wasn't broken. Even after enduring various physical forms of abuse, not to mention the psychological repercussions that came with it, Kurt had maintained his identity and was hell-bent on moving forward.

Letting out a sigh of contentment, Blaine thought back on how from the second he barged into his life, Kurt was _in it_. He couldn't think of the words to describe it. It was just kind of instantaneous knowledge that the slightly awkward, yet impeccably composed, boy on the stairs would be important. It wasn't that he was so gorgeous (although that didn't hurt), there was just something so enchanting about the boy. He was like…an apprehensively open book. Wide open, but with a paper-thin wall built up in front of it. A wall just begging to be torn down, if only someone would notice it. As he got to know Kurt, Blaine had realized just how right that assessment actually was. He had some great friends at his old school, he really did. They sounded awesome from the way Kurt described them. But at the same time, Blaine considered them to be unforgivably clueless. To be fair, though, it hadn't really their fault that they hadn't noticed that something was really bothering Kurt. Why would they? As far as they knew, they all got the same treatment. But they just couldn't possibly fathom the way it felt to Kurt. Because, really, the bullying wasn't the worst part. The worst part was knowing that the reason you were being bullied was something so personal yet unchangeable. Being aware that you're being shoved into lockers because you're attracted to member of the same sex hurts a hell of a lot more than if it were just about being in glee club. At that thought, Blaine let out a harsh and sarcastic laugh. He knew what that was like, firsthand. And on top of all of that, Kurt was alone. He'd had no one to talk to about it who would actually _get_ it. And that role was one that Blaine was eager, if not flat-out _desperate_, to fill. That was something he had never had.

It went both ways, too. The helping thing. They had long since passed the mentor/mentee phase of their relationship; as much as Kurt needed Blaine, Blaine needed Kurt. As open-minded and tolerant as their school was, before meeting Kurt he'd never had a friend who he had so much in common with. Yeah he knew other gay guys, that that wasn't the point at all. Before meeting Kurt, Blaine had sort of…let himself go. And he hadn't even noticed just how much of himself he was compromising, not until Kurt. He hadn't noticed when he stopped going to shows. He hadn't thought about what it meant when he replaced his poster of Queen with one from The Dark Knight. He didn't even bother making suggestions for movie night anymore.

Blaine sighed sadly. If he was being honest with himself, the compromises had started years ago. He couldn't remember a time he hadn't been working at keeping up his winsome facade. He sort of knew, in the back of his mind, that all these compromises were being made, but the truth was he didn't care about any of them until he met Kurt. At the time it had always felt like a survival tactic, but in retrospect, once Kurt was in his life, Blaine had been disappointed in himself. It had been a painful discovery when he realized that he almost didn't know who he really was. It amazed Blaine to think of how much Kurt had actually turned his life around. He made it okay for Blaine to talk about things that he couldn't talk about with anyone else. It was so exciting to finally have someone to geek out with over Patti LuPone! And it wasn't just that he had someone with similar interests. In Kurt he had found someone who didn't actually _care_ if they had differing interests. Smiling fondly into the dark of his room, Blaine recalled a certain conversation where he had gone on and on about how Beyonce's song 'Videophone' was totally underappreciated. After his tirade, all Kurt had said was that he thought the song was terrible and if he ever heard it again it would be too soon. Aside from the fact that Kurt _clearly _had no taste (oh but who was he kidding? Kurt oozed good taste), Blaine was astonished that Kurt had listened to his whole rant even though he firmly disagreed. It wasn't that his other friends were bad friends; they just had the typical attention span of average teenage boys (a.k.a. similar to that of a goldfish). With Kurt, Blaine could actually talk about _whatever _and the boy would listen. That felt…really good. After years of slowly locking himself in a cage that he made for himself, Blaine was free to think about and obsess over things he truly loved. And _with_ someone.

Sometimes when Blaine lay awake at night he would contemplate just how freakishly prophetic the lyrics to 'Teenage Dream' had been. The boy did, in fact, bring Blaine to life (and, although he would _never_ say it out loud, part of Blaine considered Kurt to be _his_ missing puzzle piece). There was no way around it.

He also hoped that he was making Kurt feel like the entire first verse of that song. The first time he saw not-so-put-together Kurt, it was a bit of a shock. One Monday Kurt's alarm clock hadn't gone off, so when Blaine had arrived to walk to breakfast with him, he encountered a rather harried and flustered version of his friend. Kurt was dressed, for the most part, but he hadn't had time to do his hair or put on his tie. As soon as he opened the door for Blaine, he had run right back to the full-length mirror that stood just to the right of his Wicked poster. Blaine had put a comforting hand on the other boy's back and whispered with conviction that he thought Kurt looked gorgeous. When Blaine looked away from his friend and glanced at the mirror, Kurt had a wide and genuine smile on his face. When he physically turned Kurt around to tie the boy's tie for him, Blaine was hit with the full force of that smile. Whatever the equivalent of "pretty without any makeup on" was for a teenage boy, that was what Blaine thought of the boy in front of Kurt had realized it. He was just...constantly amazing.

It had been a very awkward first Warblers meeting for Kurt. But honestly, had no one ever heard the term "canary in a coalmine" before? Blaine thought it was, well, _kind of_ funny. He smiled, but could almost feel the waves of embarrassment coming off the boy. If only he could telepathically scream at the other boys for not even pretending to get the joke. But even in the subsequent meetings no one seemed to understand Kurt's curious mix of cheesy and dry humor. Blaine did, though. And he always laughed or smiled, even when Kurt got the punchline wrong.

More than anything, though, Blaine had been devoting himself to making sure that Kurt felt understood. When he, himself, had come to Dalton, he hadn't had anyone to do that for him. Blaine was fairly certain that, if he _had_, he might not have conceded so much of his personality. That was something he never _ever_ wanted Kurt to have to do. The more Kurt let his walls come down, the more determined Blaine became to make sure Kurt would never have to lose himself to the whitewashed halls of Dalton Academy. It had physically pained him to have to tell Kurt exactly what was wrong with his solo audition. He, himself, thought it might just have been the most beautiful, soul-baring, and entrancing performance that he had ever seen out of his peers, and he understood the feelings behind it perfectly. Evidently the rest of the Warblers hadn't felt the same. After classes that day, Blaine made a point to corner Kurt and tell him how beautiful the solo was. He had been rewarded with another genuine smile.

Blaine cringed at the realization that he was equating his and Kurt's friendship with a cheesy pop song (yes, he was gay, but not _that_ gay). It was hard not to, though. It was equally hard not to let his mind drift to the idea of how very much he wished the chorus also applied to their relationship. It was okay that it didn't, though. Having such an amazing friend was something Blaine was simply not willing to screw up by giving in to his stupid teenage hormones. It wasn't worth the risk, no matter how much he longed to throw caution to the wind and make a move. And besides…they had the rest of their lives to grow into that kind of relationship, right? Someday it could happen. But even if it didn't, he still had the _best_ best friend in the entire world. And, really, that was all he needed to get by.

With that thought, Blaine smiled and felt sleep finally wash over him.

* * *

***Sigh***** I really like my personal Blaine!cannon. Everything is happiness and rainbows and cupcakes now that he has Kurt.**

** :) **

**(P.S. Reviews and comments are lovely *hint, hint*)  
**


End file.
